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Old 04.25.07, 11:14 PM   #1
niggerdick56
dick kisser
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DIY Pussy

Sure you could carve a hole in a watermelon, maybe even an apple. But I challenge you all here to come up with the best artificial cunt you can think of. Allow me to grace you with mine.

Take a vacuum cleaner and duct tape a empty suave shampoo bottle to the end of the hose attachment. Make sure you wrap duct tape around the connection to secure it, and insure that no lose of suction occurs. Proper sealant could be the difference between "making a simple mess" and draining your bag of all its sin. Keep in mind your gonna have to take everything apart after words, so it might as well be worth it. Next install a sock or something thin and soft inside the bottle. Duct tape the ends over the edge. If the material is thick, etc a sock. Cut proper holes inside to keep the vacuum from getting deprived. Now its time for the lube. If you've gotten this far you might as well spring out of some good smelling girly conditioner. Squirt an ample amount inside and don't neglect the edges. Now, what do we do with our Hoover hooker? I say, push the bitch between two cushions and change the carpet setting to shag. Note: this is not an effective treatment for crabs, but it is a cool one.

Note, this is all strictly theoretical. Until I get enough cash to get that beautiful bitch I saw in good will last Saturday.
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Old 04.25.07, 11:19 PM   #2
Douche Newton
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Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.Douche Newton is the master of puppets.
In prison they make what they call 'Fifis'. Its basically a towel with a latex glove and some lotion inside. You roll the towel real tight with the glove inside and then loop the open part of the glove around the outside of the towel with the remainder of it inside.A little lube and youre ready to rock. It sounds lame , but its better than a 2 cigarette blowjob from a 'punk'. Thats another thing that perplexes me about prison. They think if you fuck a dude , youre not gay , he is. However , if youre raped , youre also a fag for 'letting it happen'. My take on it is if youre sexual with a dude in any way , youre a fag.
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Old 04.25.07, 11:48 PM   #3
Suki
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I knew this guy, who used a torpedo roll with margarine slopped on it...of course he said the tip got soggy after awhile.....and needed to buy another dozen rolls after 2 days..

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Old 04.25.07, 11:51 PM   #4
niggerdick56
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Suki
I knew this guy, who used a torpedo roll with margarine slopped on it...of course he said the tip got soggy after awhile.....and needed to buy another dozen rolls after 2 days..

A torpedo roll? Damn, thats when you know you've got money, when your fuckin sandwiches.

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Old 04.25.07, 11:53 PM   #5
poontang
MAI I PLEEZ MONGLE UR COCK
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get a box of broken chicken bones. Then after that cut a hole in the box, then put your junk in the box...... and if you want you can put a slab of icecream on top to cool down the EXTREME sex you just received.
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Old 04.25.07, 11:54 PM   #6
Suki
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dropfry
A torpedo roll? Damn, thats when you know you've got money, when your fucking sandwiches.

http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/9452/sammichdc7.jpg

this same guy used to fuck the cushions of a sofa downstairs in his basement too...until his Mother went to flip the cushions to clean and got a handful of gooey stickiness..*gag*
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Old 04.26.07, 01:25 AM   #7
JonnieZ
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nothing better than fucking a couch. you can take a tubesock and put warm mashed potatoes in it and try that.
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Old 04.26.07, 01:26 AM   #8
Suki
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Originally Posted by JonnieZ
nothing better than fucking a couch. you can take a tubesock and put warm mashed potatoes in it and try that.

LOL!! mashed potatoes! hahaha!
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Old 04.26.07, 10:33 AM   #9
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a friend of mine was a prawnfisherman on a trawler, and used to stay at sea for weeks at a time. his stories of the young deckhands screwing stingrays they would land in their nets always made me giggle. apparently 'ray 'gina looks and feels not dissimilar to human ginch.
maybe thats what steve irwin was up to when he was stung.
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Old 04.26.07, 10:35 AM   #10
Suki
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Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.Suki really is king shit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HerrDoktor
a friend of mine was a prawnfisherman on a trawler, and used to stay at sea for weeks at a time. his stories of the young deckhands screwing stingrays they would land in their nets always made me giggle. apparently 'ray 'gina looks and feels not dissimilar to human ginch.
maybe thats what steve irwin was up to when he was stung.

baby... ;)
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